When I was single and in my early 30s, I thought “This is it, I’m going to be single forever” and I was fine with that. What I wasn’t okay with though was the idea that I will never be a mother. I definitely wasn’t okay with that. My best friend friend who was also single then (who by the way, is also a mother now), used to talk about how to get pregnant without a partner. But didn’t do anything about it, instead we just allowed life to happen and it did. We are both mothers now.
Mom Solo though did what we didn’t have the guts to do. She went on and had her son – alone. I’ve been reading her blog for the longest time now and enjoy hearing about her adventures as a single mother. Read on and be inspired with this woman’s journey as a solo mom …
Tell us something about yourself and your little ones (age & sex)
I’m a Mom Solo which is what I call a single woman who chooses to be a single mom. I’m in my 40’s. I’ve been an actress for many years and now I’m a producer and writer. I blog about being a single mom and I’ve written a middle reader novel. My son is 2 and 9 months and his name is Spenser.
What was your child’s birth story like?
Spenser was breech so I had to have a C section. My OB announced from the other side of the curtain “He’s a redhead!” Then she said “He just peed on Dr. Hamilton!” (I was secretly pleased about the pee because I’d had a check up with Dr. Hamilton and he had asked me if I was eating lots of desserts because I’d reached my weight gain limit.)Then my OB lifted my baby over the blue curtain so we could see him and he wiggled out of her hands!!! He slipped down fell and his head bumped mine as the OB caught his legs! I was splattered with my own uterine blood! An exciting entrance for sure!
What you wish you knew about being a mother, before becoming one?
I wish I knew not to have expectations about the actual birth – I’d taken a few birthing classes that told me about the glory of childbirth and the precious first moment the baby is placed on your chest – skin to skin and how that moment is the most joyful of your life and I wanted that. When I found out my son was breech and I’d have to get a C section I was devastated. I tried a few gentle things to turn him, but I ended up just accepting the C section. Eventually, I realised that it wasn’t about how he got to me… just that he got to me.
I had made a fuss about wanting to hold him as soon as he was born but when they offered him to me, I was getting sewn up and I was super drugged up and felt sick – I was too scared to hold him. When they were wheeling me into recovery the nurse tucked him in my arms and that’s where we began… well after the head butting/blood splatter introduction.
How do you manage your “me-time”?
My me-time is during his two hour day nap and two hour window between his bedtime and mine. So that’s 4 whole hours. It’s actually a lot. Me-time usually includes writing, reading, eating, computering, showering, resting and sometimes cleaning. But lately I’m finding that my night me-time is just lying on the bed watching TV as I tell myself I’m going to get up and do something important like brush my teeth, at the next commercial.
Do you have a favourite anecdote of your little one?
It changes all the time, of course. My latest is from Halloween. While we were trick or treating (which he LOVED) he kept asking to eat more candy. Eventually I said that’s all for tonight and he said, “Ma, my mouth goes like this (deep voice) I hungry, I need candy.”
What is it about Motherhood you absolutely love about?
Can I say everything? As someone who had a baby as a single woman in her 40’s, I am aware everyday that I very easily could have missed the chance to have Spenser. Every day I feel happy to wake up and be with my son. I love the snuggles and the struggles, the discoveries, the funny things he says. I love that he is my main job and I’m good at it. I love that being his mom makes everything else in my life make sense. It really is the thing in my life that’s made me the happiest. Ever.
Specifically, right now I especially adore how my son hugs me so tightly and gives me real puckered-lips kisses. It makes me melt.
If there is anything about Motherhood you dislike about, what would it be?
I dislike stepping on legos and other small toys in my bare feet!!
I dislike the worry and the fear that runs in my mind… mostly at night, as I try to sleep. I’ve never been like this. Most other moms I talk to have the same thing – so I know I’m not crazy. Sometimes they are irrational worries and sometimes they are realistic. I try to push them out of my head so I can sleep. But I think it’s just part of being a parent.
What’s a typical day like for you and your Little One?
We wake up at 6am and I bring Spenser into bed with me. We snuggle and chat and watch a show together. Then we have breakfast and play (and I clean up and pay a bill or two) then we go to a class – music, gym, swimming… then lunch and his nap. Then a visit with Grandpa or a play date or venture to out somewhere like visiting a friend, trains, mall or going to eat. Dinner, bath, books, bed. Then me-time. And go to bed as early as I can.
Best advice you’ve ever received about Motherhood?
Having a messy house is not the worst thing and it certainly doesn’t mean you are a bad mom. Spend your time being with your child.
As a single parent without help, I take this advice every day
If you could give yourself advice about motherhood before becoming one, what would it be?
Remember patience. Life isn’t always a rush. Let your child take the time to explore rocks on the sidewalk, make up games, pretend to drive the car, etc. I try to never say “hurry up.” Explain things calmly. Also have patience with questions. Spenser asks “What we doing now?” about 1000 times a day. I answer him with respect every time because… he’s two. Everything is new to him. If it gets annoying I try to turn it into something funny, so I can just laugh. I try to challenge myself to make the explanation sound new, even though I’ve said the same thing 1000 times!
How do you manage your time between work and your little one?
I work a lot from home which means that I work during me-time. I try so hard not to do work when I’m hanging out with Spenser. If I have to, then I’m grateful for PBS Kids. Also, I’m so lucky that my sister and her husband live very close to us and Spenser adores them. My sister has been able to help me so much, when I’m working.
Thank you so much Mom Solo!
Do head over to her blog to read more about her life with her adorable little boy.
You can also connect with Mom Solo over at twitter
and don’t forget to like her FB page too.
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