My daughter is five years-old, she’ll be six in August and yet I can still remember what it was like being pregnant with her, especially the last couple of weeks before giving birth. I was a first time mum and was:
I couldn’t wait to hold her in my arms. To see her face, to cuddle and kiss her. I wondered: Will she look like me? Will she look like my husband?
The nine months felt like forever, especially the last few weeks, it went on and on. I couldn’t wait any longer! I wanted to give birth to her now! Please let it happen now!
And then like all new mums, I was Scared:
Will I know what to do? Will I be able to cope without any help from my family who lives so far away from me? Am I ready to be a mother? Do we have everything we need? Have we cleaned our whole house from top to bottom? Is it clean enough? Will it ever be clean enough? I wouldn’t want her to catch germs.
And then it happened. I finally gave birth to her, she was out. I remember looking at her in awe and wondering “Did she really come from me? What now?” I felt this over-powering abundance of love all over me. This is my baby. I love her. I love every bit of her, every fibre of her being. But the fear was still there. In the hospital though, we had help from all the lovely midwives, patient enough to answer all my questions “Why isn’t she latching? Doesn’t she want me? Why is she doing that? Is it normal? Why is she making that sound? Is she supposed to sleep that much?”
Taking Our Baby Home
Once in the safety of our own house, I remember sensing Fear also settle in along with my new baby. It also made itself at home, poured itself its own cup of tea, settled itself on the couch with me, stared at me while I tried to figure out what to do with this tiny, helpless baby who relied on me and my husband for everything.
Then life happened. Days turned into weeks, the weeks into months, the months into years and she’s a little girl now. Fear still lives with us. I still have daily conversations with Fear:
Am I doing everything right for my little girl? Am I making the right decisions for her? What if I make mistakes? Will I end up ruining her life? Will she blame me and hate me for all the choices I made for her?
Five years down the line, I’ve learned to co-exist with Fear. I know when to hush it, and also know when to trust my instincts which is far stronger and wiser than Fear.
In support of all new mums or mums-to-be, Dettol has come up with a campaign “Get the World Ready”. They invite everyone to listen to stories from real mums, who share the same fears as me, you, them, us. Yes, the good news is we are not alone, as mothers, as parents, we all share the same daily fears and Dettol is there to help us along the way, regardless of whether you are a new mum, or expecting your third child.
Do you remember what it was like to bring your first child back home with you?
Did you have any fears? How did you cope with them?
*This is a collaborated post, however words and photos are by yours truly.